Don’t know about you, but lately I’ve been pondering something…
The more I struggle to attain something, the more I FORCE myself to get a particular result, the further it seems to get away from me. In the instance of my coaching business, whenever I jump on a call with a potential client, the harder I try to sign them, the more they seem to resist.
“But I tried my best!” I would think to myself...what more could I have done?
Then, other times when I would just be aloof, and not even care about signing a client, but just forget about the outcome for a second to just listen to the person...completely give up any notion of even signing this person up. Boom! This person would want to sign up. This made no sense to me whatsoever.
Back in school, there was immense importance to do well in classes. I remember before an exam, all the visualizing and studying hard. Intense hours “grinding” away studying for an exam…”I need to get an A on this, there’s no other option”. The harder I studied and the more I tried to control the particular outcome, the further it got from me. In the exams when my importance level was heightened, I ended up doing terribly. I would end up making silly mistakes on the exam and end up getting poor grades in the class as a result.
Other times, when I just got completely engaged with studying, and just gave up hope almost...went into the exam and BOOM! I would end up with one of the top results in the class.
This dumbfounded me completely.
Why is it that when I try hard, it never works out, but when I seem to not care about the outcome...it just comes into place effortlessly?!
I recently just figured out the answer.
Here’s what’s happening:
When one places too much importance on something, they immediately start to resist the very thing that they want. As an example, try the following exercise: Try moving your hand. But the caveat, you must think intensely about moving your hand and place immense importance to the act of moving your hand for 5 minutes prior to doing it. You will see that you begin to resist this very action as opposed to just not even thinking about it.
So what does this say about the nature of reality and the attainment of your goals?
All of the “obstacles” that seemingly present themselves, are all self created.
Now the mistake people make, is that they focus too much on overcoming the illusory obstacle. The more you focus on something, the more you make it prominent and give it energy. Now if you focused on just eliminating importance, then the obstacle would just crumble on its own.
The biggest takeaways:
Learn to see things for what they are: obstacles are not obstacles, they are self created through the attribution of excess importance on your part.
Focus not on the obstacle, but on consciously changing your relationship to the obstacle. Ask yourself why this is so important to you and what would happen if you failed? Remember, the more you “need” something, the less of it is available to you. The hungry never get fed.
Share below if you’ve also experienced this in your life and how you’ve dealt with it?
Check the video below on how to better deal with heightened importance level to reduce it:
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